


somehow the very best of us

by fated_addiction



Category: K-pop, Korean Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, SM Entertainment | SMTown, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:24:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5395658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"How," she starts casually, breathing in between her teeth, "would you feel about writing a song for me?"</i>
</p><p>Jessica and her ideas, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	somehow the very best of us

It's nearly midnight, different time zones, when she agrees to take the call. The decision is shrewd, but Jessica has always been best at the business side of the industry. 

Long story short: there is a reason why her former company has always hoped that she would at the very least make it to a coveted seat on the Board of Trustees.

Another long story: she's got plenty of time.

"Are you sure you want to do this," her assistant asks, her fingers wrapped tightly around her phone. The younger woman's eyes dart nervously to the side. "This means..." she's hesitant, hushed too. "This means it's _actually_ serious."

Jessica's mouth twitches. She holds out her hand, shrugging. "I know," she says, and her assistant pushes the phone onto her palm. "I'll be fine," she says gently. "I'll see you in the morning. Don't forget to pack lightly for Singapore."

The other woman nods, scurrying off to her own hotel room. Jessica waits quietly, sitting on the edge of her bed and listening for the door to her hotel room to shut. When it does, she counts backwards in her head, stops at two, and holds back her own, visceral reaction at pressing the mute button for the second that time.

"Taeyeon-ah," she greets. Her voice steadies.

Actually, Jessica decides, it's a lot colder than she intends for it to come out. It's rational, probably expected, but she's never really been the best at holding back any of her reactions anyway.

"Sooyeon-ssi."

Her mouth curls and there is a catch in Taeyeon's voice, the first one she's heard in a very long time outside of the Internet, show monitoring, and of course, walking into a department store and hearing some kind of verse from a song.

"Ouch," she murmurs, without preamble. She kicks off her boots in front of her, curling her legs onto the bed. "I wasn't expecting a warm greeting, but I wasn't expecting that either."

There is a sigh. A long pause stretches between the two of them. Jessica waits until she hears a sigh, dropping back onto the bed then too.

"Sorry," Taeyeon replies quietly. There's no real reply to this. "It's been a long day." This seems colder too, Jessica thinks. "I..." Taeyeon hesitates again. "I wasn't expecting this," she says. "I actually wasn't expecting any of it until, well, about an hour ago. Someone emailed me your interview too."

Jessica's mouth turns with some amusement.

"I do those," she says dryly.

Taeyeon laughs a little. "I know." 

"You read them?"

"Sure," Taeyeon replies, acknowledges really, and there is an edge to her tone, Jessica can almost see the expression her face too, that sometimes strange, sharp look that she used a lot on her. "Old habits," she says.

Jessica shakes her head. She stops herself from saying something like _i'm surprised_ because that's unnecessary, they're adults, and honestly, they can't be mad at each other forever. There is a laundry list of regrets she might hold onto; she's human, you know.

She supposes she should ask the question then, considering the fact that this is a business call, not a personal call, and maybe, maybe they're light years away from having personal calls. Her fingers dig back, around a few strands of her hair. She twists them around a nail, bites her lip, and settles her eyes on a spot on the ceiling, counting non-existent spots.

"How," she starts casually, breathing in between her teeth, "would you feel about writing a song for me?"

The words are a little foreign. There might be a bit of a bite behind them too. Jessica waits and listens to a draw of breath, a slight, nervous laugh, a door opening and closing, a rustle of clothes, and something, maybe like a window, hitting the top of its frame. Maybe it's an exaggeration, but she feels like she waits forever, like most things in regards to the eight girls she loves, but this is not about an apology.

Jessica listens to Taeyeon swallow. "Okay," she says, after awhile. "Sure."

Silence, she notes vaguely, has never been one of her strong suits.

 

 

 

 

 

There is a lot of paperwork.

Jessica does not step foot in SM for any of this. Most of the arrangement is done via lawyers, meetings in restaurants, and a lot of phone calls during travel. She's insistent: this has to be done right and they both have to be protected. Soojung tells her she's nuts, voicing a startled admiration. She's always been the first to know anyhow.

But when she wraps up, infuriatingly enough, her cosmetic promotions, a surprise new year denim line, a movie, and a mix of variety programs, she's just ready to stay home and sleep off the amount of work she's subjected herself to. Unapologetically, of course.

She gets a text on her way home: _can i see you?_ and it takes her a minute to recognize the number, another to realize just what's happening, and one more to hate herself for being this exhausted. She calls Taeyeon when she parks her car in front of her apartment.

"Sure," she says. She rubs her eyes. "I'm home."

Taeyeon's a little breathless. "Home-home?"

That's fair, Jessica thinks. She's slightly irritated and little guarded. It's misdirected.

"Home-home," she manages, which is weird. There's a tightness in her throat. "I forgot," she says slowly. "You've never been here... I'll text you the address?"

"Tiffany gave me the address." Taeyeon is awkward and Jessica slips out of her car. "She checked in with Soojung."

Jessica's guard immediately flies up. Her mouth opens and then closes. Taeyeon is sitting outside her door, swallowed by a winter jacket and a bag by her feet. She looks sheepish and tugs at the end of her braid, just as Jessica begins to approach her own front door.

She hangs up the phone. "Taeyeon-ssi," she greets, which feels weird.

"Sooyeon," Taeyeon returns, which feels weirdly intimate. 

Jessica's heels click until she stops in front of her stoop. Her expression flexes into becoming guarded, curious too. It's a little different; this is the first time, in nearly two years, that two of them have been in front of each other, alone, and with no one else to hide behind.

"Why are you here?" she's blunt.

Taeyeon's mouth curls. Her bangs are haphazard across her eyes.

"You were going to text me your address," she points out.

Jessica shakes her head. Her face flushes. "That's besides the point," she mutters. She feels a little awkward. Then she sighs, gripping her bag and the bottle of wine she bought for herself. She moves up the stairs, unlocking the door. "I guess you'll really have to come in then."

Taeyeon merely laughs.

She follows her inside the apartment, watching as Jessica moves around, turning lights on, fussing over mismatched seats and dust on the countertops. The bottle of wine goes to the kitchen and her bag somewhere onto the floor, midway through Jessica telling Taeyeon to "make yourself comfortable --" because she can't really think of anything else to say.

She believes that things happen for a reason though. She tries to tell herself this, over and over again, so that it becomes some kind of mantra of courage, one that walks her into her room to grab a sweater, then comeback into the kitchen to pour two glasses of wine.

"So who are you here as?" she asks, quietly, surprisingly so. She pushes a glass into Taeyeon's hand.

"Myself." Taeyeon's mouth twists and she shrugs. "You know me better than that," she counters and Jessica winces.

"I remember you mostly," she manages. She tastes her name again. "You were the one that started calling my name formally."

Taeyeon sighs and looks away, frowning. Jessica watches her look around the apartment, piecing together snippets of her life that she hasn't exactly shared. This isn't business; the thought registers almost a little too vaguely, somewhere in the back of her mind.

They somehow move to the couch. Jessica sits first, long legs curling into herself as she waits for Taeyeon to do the same. The other woman is a little slower, sitting at the edge of the couch. She's careful, almost too careful, as if to weigh how to fit within Jessica's space.

"I didn't know what to say. You asked me to write you a song," comes quietly, but cuts just as hard. The words swing between the two of them. Taeyeon's eyes are glued to Jessica's frame, bright and curious, and totally, utterly, painfully honest. Then, she finishes: "It was a little out of the blue."

Jessica doesn't meet her gaze. 

"I did," she says slowly. She takes a long sip of her wine, swallowing loudly. She sighs. "It's a business arrangement."

"You're not a business arrangement."

Jessica's eyes narrow. Her head turns quickly and her mouth purses together.

"Are you trying to woo me?" she asks, her eyes flashing too.

Taeyeon gives her a crooked, startling smile. She shrugs, easing back into the couch and putting her glass of wine somewhere behind her.

"I was thinking of writing a love song," Taeyeon replies simply, shrugging.

Something old, long buried tightens inside of Jessica, ready to burst to the surface as she stares, wide-eyed, at the other woman. Her mouth opens and she makes a sudden, short kind of sound. I thought I was going to have to fight you, she almost says.

She can only bring herself to look away.

"A love song," she repeats.

"Yeah." Taeyeon sighs. "I have a few that didn't make my album," she says cryptically. "It was due to a lot of time constraints, I guess, and the fact that... I don't know. I feel like they weren't supposed to have a home with me."

Jessica is weirdly curious, but steels herself away from that. There's a striking image that suddenly pops into her head, bright like a memory, of two girls, just two girls, whispering nothing but secrets to each other. She can tell you this: she remembers those days, the rare days, where she felt impossibly lonely and then not, terrified that she was showing too much of herself, and then learning to keep her secrets.

"Did you bring them," Jessica says, slowly inching forward as Taeyeon digs into her bag. She hands her a slip of paper, then pulls out her phone, searching through the screen to find something. "You brought them," Jessica says then, mystified.

"I brought them," Taeyeon acknowledges. "I figured if we were going to do this, we would do it... organically."

Jessica's eyes brighten with amusement. "You're such a nerd."

Taeyeon rolls her eyes, hands her a pair of headphones, and holds up her phone.

"Listen," is all she says.

This isn't the first night she'll say it too.

 

 

 

 

 

They're photographed once, together, and in a weird way, it's treated like a backwards kind of scandal, the kind they would get had they been walking out of a nightclub, maybe drunk, maybe holding hands. She gets a text from Hyoyeon, when she's in Japan, that says nothing more than _stop stealing my style_ which is funny, if anything, and could very well-translate into an apology, open ended on both sides.

It's also weird because SM handles it, drops some comment about a studio even though they meet twice a week at Jessica's apartment, twice more at an _actual_ studio, and talk to each other almost every day because, if anything, it's not just Taeyeon's song, it's _her_ song. We are exploring partnership possibilities, reads the comment, and somehow, some way, it equates to the two of them breaking the Internet for the week.

"Remember that time you kissed me," Taeyeon starts, the third or fourth time they're in the studio together, alone. Jessica is sitting at the piano with a tea and staring at the other woman, wide-eyed. She's casual and Jessica thinks about throwing the thesaurus at her head.

"It was _your_ fault," she shoots back, and Taeyeon smirks, grinning and shaking her head. "It's not like I said hey, Taeyeon-ah, please kiss me now --"

Taeyeon's mouth drops over hers, just as she slants her body over Jessica's, her knees resting against the piano bench. It happens suddenly; there's no other way around it and ultimately, her head explodes into a mess of furious nerves and aches, memories that don't really feel like memories until Taeyeon's tongue slides along her lip and Jessica can only think about how she really just wants to sing.

"Yah." The corners of her mouth flex and she's breathless, her hand curling around the end of Taeyeon's sweater. "Are you _crazy_ ," she breathes too, swallowing. "I don't --"

Taeyeon bends down further until Jessica leans up, meeting her halfway with her mouth already half-parted, mostly teeth, and her tongue rolling into hers. They don't kiss like girls anymore and even if she didn't remember their first kiss, quantified it as _whatever_ because girls are girls are just girls, this is still a kiss, the kiss, and something that feels like is peeling her apart, layer by layer.

Her eyes are closed. It doesn't matter who breaks away first. She feels Taeyeon's breath on her nose, sharp, filterless tufts of hair against her skin.

"This is how you write a love song." Taeyeon's voice is sharp and unsteady. There is a part of Jessica's mind that's like: are you punishing me? "You have to figure out all the things you've never been brave enough to say."

Jessica's eyes open slowly. She turns back to the piano, her hands brushing over the keys.

"Crueler than ever," she manages to say.

 

 

 

 

 

A long time ago, she used to believe in things like romance and fairy tales and all of the things girls like her were supposed to believe. She's always been romantic, but she's always been too much of a pragmatist too, which makes for a painful, unpredictable mess of a love life when she decides to try and pay attention to it.

They don't talk about the kiss, of course.

Instead, in between studio time and the harshest winter that Seoul has seen in, like, years, she tries to peel back the memories and signs and all these stupid things that would give meaning to Taeyeon kissing her, trying to prove a point, and agreeing to write a song with her no matter how many times she tells herself _this is business_. She listens to the product of what they have so far too, listens to praises and things like "I've missed your voice!" all the while ignoring, really trying to ignore the fact all this kiss has done is make her feel clumsy, confused, and eighteen all over again.

"Do you need a ride home?" Taeyeon asks her, after their latest session. It's sometime after eleven, early, but the snow and the roads are getting thick and messy.

Jessica rubs her eyes, still humming a verse. "I can call a cab," she says. "It's too dangerous for you to drive back."

Taeyeon shrugs. "Then stay with me."

This morning, the Internet reminisced: _remember taengsic, guys?!?! <3____<3_ and Soojung sent her a link to a barrage of photos, just to be her little sister for once. Jessica meets Taeyeon's gaze, studying her. All of this, she thinks, has been confusing and unexpected.

"I'm closer," Taeyeon reasons.

"True," she admits and stumbles, watching when Taeyeon grabs her hand. She doesn't ever remember her being that bold. "I need my bag," she protests.

"Already put it in my car."

Jessica's eyes narrow. "I don't get you," she snaps, then reels back. She sighs tiredly. "I'm sorry," she murmurs. "I'm exhausted."

Taeyeon softens. Her fingers curl into her hand, over her palm, just before she laces their fingers together. Jessica watches their hands, studying them thoughtfully

"I used to get so angry at you," Taeyeon murmurs. "And then, I don't know, I started thinking about how hard it must before you, how lonely... I don't know."

Jessica's throat is tight. She's almost forgotten, really, how easily it is to forget the present. They learned how to work together seamlessly for years and now, startling, she has to remind herself that things are different. She has just as much to prove to herself as to everyone else.

"Is this how we're going to actually have a conversation," she starts. She's not sharp. She's just tired. Their hands are still laced together. "Because I'm not ready," she says honestly, "and trying to write a love song in the middle of this, I just... I don't know what you want to me to say."

Taeyeon's expression changes. It warms, but that's all she can read. She leans in, then sits to straddle the couch that Jessica is resting on, dropping somewhere next to her legs.

"We're never going to agree on what happened between all of us," Taeyeon says slowly. "But we can agree that it didn't need to happen that way. We were all really terrible to each other. We promised each other we wouldn't let each other go that way."

Jessica shrugs. Her mouth feels a little tight. She looks away, into the studio. The lights are off. She could go in. She needs to be in Beijing in a couple of days for business. It might need to be scheduled as a conference call because of the weather. 

Her mind starts to wander though, back to that day where it was, first, Taeyeon and lawyers and managers and company reps telling her, too frankly, that what she was trying to do, it wasn't going to work.

"Don't you think it's a little too late?" her question is soft and feels like an accident. Her throat dries a little and she shrugs it off. "I... these are things that would have been nice to hear in the beginning."

"I know." Taeyeon looks down. "Believe me, I know."

"Is this why you agreed to work with me?"

"Is this why you asked?" Taeyeon says, almost too tentative. Her hand is warm and Jessica can't focus. 

A ghost of a smile fits against Jessica's mouth. She lets go of Taeyeon's hand, standing to gather her bag and coat.

"I asked because it was the smart thing to do," she says. Her voice softens and she turns away from the other girl. "Because, at the end of the day, the only way any of us are going to bury things or move on, is if we have to work together."

Her breathing is even. She slides her arms through the sleeves of her jacket. She looks directly at Taeyeon then, her gaze wavering, only slightly, when the other woman comes to stand in front of her.

"I regret how things ended," she manages. "I don't regret leaving."

There's a time and a place for everything and maybe, maybe this is that moment where she just choses to step forward and move on. Instead, she finds herself watching Taeyeon carefully, all the while going through the lyrics of the song they're working on, over and over and over again, in rotation. She hums: I don't know how to love anyone else; her voice bridges between notes, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth as she almost, almost spits out the rest of the words.

She approaches Taeyeon first, this time, again, whatever you want to call it. Her fingers flex and she hands the other woman her bag, ignoring the fact that she doesn't remember picking it up and hates the fact that she feels clumsy. Insanely clumsy.

"I miss you," she says simply. "But I didn't want this to be messy. I can't have this being messy."

Taeyeon's eyes narrow. She watches her pupils darken and her mouth thin into a line.

"This --"

"Taeyeon-ah," Jessica interrupts. Her voice softens. "This is the difference between the both of us," she says. "It's exactly what I envy the most about you -- you can work like this, throw yourself into it whole-heartedly, ready at the drop of ... well, anything. I just know how to protect myself. I've had to learn."

She's almost forgotten, she realizes mid-speech, how it feels to be this honest that someone that isn't her sister, or to some degree, the small group of friends that she's amassed and kept at arm's length.

"You don't have to protect yourself from me." It's almost like a gentle admonition, mostly about sisterhood and what not. She remembers the speeches Taeyeon used to give when they were trainees. 

"I didn't then," she corrects gently. "I don't really know right now."

It's winter, she reminds herself. She digs through her jacket to grab her gloves. She slips them in and then turns, intent on gathering all her things, but stops herself. She turns a little, meeting Taeyeon's gaze, which is still glued to her.

Jessica breathes.

"I'm going to grab a cab," she says, and Taeyeon doesn't protest.

This isn't falling in love, she thinks, but they have, if anything, always been like this. Maybe they've been in love all this time.

 

 

 

 

 

Tiffany calls her for lunch.

She is the first that isn't Taeyeon to meet her. They pick a cafe next to the studio. It feels a little adult and a little more than halfway. There are knots in her stomach when she arrives, ordering tea and a pastry because she doesn't really have the stomach to eat as it is.

"Hi," Tiffany greets, half-smiles away from actually greeting her. She tugs a little at her coat, dropping it to her chair. "Have you been waiting long? My last appointment was a little chaotic and in rushing to get here, I barely put it together to text you."

Jessica shrugs. "It's fine," she answers. "I had some calls to make."

Tiffany grins. There's a long, awkward pause where Jessica knows she's being pulled apart and studied, but does nothing to resist it or called out. It's like she's the one on trial here. Or something like it.

"I asked for those songs, you know."

Jessica blinks. Her hands curl around her tea and she stares, almost wide-eyed.

"I had a sneaking suspicion that she wasn't going to give them to me anyway," Tiffany continues, almost decisively, "and was like, what the hell, let me best friend card it -- she's going to support me no matter what. So I asked her for the songs."

Jessica's mouth thins. She is due in the studio, with Taeyeon ironically, in a few hours. In between managing leaks and teasers and everything else, the idea that she's going to have a solo release has been managed and met with positive reviews. It's the most terrifying leap of faith she's taken, like really taken, because there are still a million shadows around her.

"Yah," she says quietly. She sips her tea and looks away. "If this is for a --"

"I'm not trying to guilt you, Sooyeon."

Jessica feels like a broken record. On an apology tour, no less.

"Then what?" she begins, but Tiffany beats her to the punchline. "Taeyeon doesn't give away songs," she finishes.

If she's startled, Jessica doesn't show it. She doesn't let herself show it. Because clearly this is some strange version of eight versus one, hidden camera style.

"I know as much," she says.

Tiffany's mouth purses. She's hesitating, which means that Taeyeon doesn't know that she's here. Which means that it's getting complicated. Which means that it's not just a business arrangement. But, she tells herself, somewhere, deep down, you knew that it was going to be just like this.

Jessica pushes her tea forward, grabbing her phone. She paints a smile onto her mouth, grabs her bag, and makes sure to remain clear. She has to hold herself differently, of course. She has to maintain that mantra of older, wiser, harder until she's blue in the face, even though she wants to forget this unholy mess of years and sit on the other side of the table, next to Tiffany, and just talk through everything like a confession.

Instead, her sunglasses slide onto her face. Her fingers are cold and, she tells herself, it's always better to have an early start.

"It's my song too," she says.

 

 

 

 

 

That day, hours before a team follows her into the studio, before Taeyeon is late because the streets are a _mess_ and god, no one knows how to drive when there's ice so why don't people just stay home already, Jessica finds a blank envelope in her purse.

Her earbuds are in. The melody plays softly, waiting. It makes her nervous. She feels rusty and that, in itself, holds a lot more weight over her confidence. She finds a pen on the producer's chair and then sits, right in front of the keys, scribbling down the first, few things that come to her mind as she hums along.

_remember when we were young  
and regret seemed like a temporary thing  
remember when i loved you  
and the words were a better secret_

She leaves the envelope there, on the keys, and heads into the booth, just to sit next to the piano where she's always been comfortable and at her best.

Taeyeon is given the words last, smiles at her through the glass, and asks her to sing the first verse again, just to see how it goes.

This is when it becomes their song.

 

 

 

 

 

"This backfired," Jessica sighs, when she finally agrees to dinner, a real dinner at her apartment -- her one request -- and just the two of them.

They're standing the middle of the kitchen though. Hurricane-like winds has blown the power out and she's annoyed because, of course, the chicken she bought is going to go bad or something like that.

Taeyeon laughs a little. "It's not that bad, you know."

"It is," she insists. She rubs her temples. "I thought this was going to be easy," she ends up saying, quickly too. It just sort of comes out, flies out actually, because she can't see anything save for the phone light Taeyeon is holding up and the dark of her apartment.

Taeyeon reaches for her, cupping her elbow. "Yah -- it's just chicken. Are you _hangry_?" Taeyeon laughs at her own joke and Jessica rolls her eyes. "Sorry," Taeyeon apologizes. "I'm just keeping it light."

Jessica groans. "Stop. Talking."

The other woman snorts, covering her mouth to hide her laugh and Jessica turns away to hide her smile. Because, seriously, this is so ridiculous. It could be worse, she tells herself. They could be stranded somewhere else.

She grabs Taeyeon's hand though, dragging her upstairs. She ignores the half-hearted protests behind her and they step into the bedroom, Jessica throwing a sweater at Taeyeon's face and then grabbing one for herself.

"I wanted to work with you," she says. "And I'm being serious."

Taeyeon is quiet. Jessica climbs into her bed, covering her legs. She doesn't wait for Taeyeon to make a decision, pats the bed next to her and then sighs.

"I knew you would be honest with me."

Taeyeon nods, settling next to her. Their legs press together as they sit together, facing each other in a sea of blankets. Jessica shivers and bites her lip.

"It's okay to be nervous," she says gently. The album is a nice mix of everything she loves: ballads, mostly ballads, and weirdly eclectic numbers, somewhere between pop and R&B, songs that are too appropriately here. Taeyeon reaches forward, hesitant, but brushes her fingers against her face. "I threw up the night I finished mine," she confesses. "It was stupid and ridiculous."

"I can't believe you threw up," she mumbles, half-rolling her eyes. She doesn't turn away. She's sort of entranced, weirdly relieved, and lets Taeyeon's fingers move against her face. She imagines how nervous Taeyeon gets. She remembers.

Taeyeon's fingers stop at her mouth. "You don't get as nervous," she says.

"I'm better at hiding it." Jessica laughs against her fingers. The sound is warm. "And my expectations are different. I have a lot more to prove."

She says it gently, slowly, as if she were trying to explain it to herself, reassure herself even as she sighs, as the exhaustion starts to write itself into her face honestly.

"I'm sorry," Taeyeon says then, after awhile. It takes her a minute to realize that the other woman's paused and her hands have fallen from her face. She shifts and settles closer. "I feel like if I say anything else, it'll just sound... I don't know. Stupid? Lazy? You were always different for me."

The blankets seem to deflate when she shifts, her knees moving to her chest. She looks at Taeyeon, like really looks at Taeyeon, feeling more reckless, open, and maybe ten years too young. Like this is the conversation they were supposed to have.

"I needed you," she says quietly. Her eyes burn a little. She turns her head, tired. "I needed all of you, but you..."

She doesn't know how to finish. Taeyeon kisses her first, again, instead.

It takes her awhile to respond, seconds really, but it feels like an eternity in her head. She kisses her back, opening her mouth, pushing her tongue back into Taeyeon's mouth, tasting everything sweet and warm and terrifyingly familiar. There is a hand in Jessica's hair and her head turns, strained as she bites at Taeyeon's lip.

They tumble back into her bed and they feel like awkward kids, tangling in the blankets, kissing each other because neither of them know where to put their hands. It's awkward and perfect and about a billion other things, all that come to the surface and explode from her mouth into Taeyeon's. She sinks her fingers into Taeyeon's shirt and the other girl turns them, Jessica underneath her as they drop deeper into the pillows.

"I'm not good at this," Taeyeon mumbles and Jessica laughs because wow, of course, that's the dumbest thing she's ever heard and Taeyeon will always be Taeyeon. The laugh feels amazing though, like a weight has sunk and slipped. Taeyeon kisses her nose. "Seriously."

"That's a lie," Jessica says breathlessly. "You made out with Baekhyun -- that's got to count for something. Or else, you're going to disappoint an army of fangirls."

Taeyeon laughs nervously and she doesn't have to see to know that she's blushing, even as she ducks her head into the crook of Jessica's neck.

It's not perfect, she thinks. There are no fireworks. There is plenty to talk about, maybe too much. She's going to be back on the phone in the morning, or if she's honest, in a few hours because the snow is going to get worse. Maybe they'll make breakfast. Taeyeon will ask about Soojung. Jessica will send flowers to Taeyeon's mother. They'll watch Christmas movies because it's nostalgic and the right thing to do, she's going to argue, since it's just the two of them and of course, they will sing along to every song because it's the right thing to do and why the hell not. She is going to smile so much is going to hurt and Taeyeon will only let go of her hand a couple of times, to get to the kitchen for water and maybe whatever survived Jessica's fridge. They are always going to be a clumsy love song.


End file.
